Facebook Post: 2024-03-04T05:35:05

No real words for all of this, I wish I had the ability to accept love for myself as it would come from someone else. And I wish I could have someone in my life who could understand the struggle.
I want someone I can trust and be able to share my thoughts openly without fear of judgement and anger. I want someone to know how much I love my children and how hard it has been for me over these last few years. It’s come to a place where I don’t even know if I can be happy or be a part of something that I have worked my entire life for. Losing them has changed me in the absolute worst ways I could have never imagined.
And I still do not know why they did this, why I have no idea what I am expected to do or say or contact to get to the bottom of it all. I don’t even know if they are alive, missing, or what because of the really bad things that I’ve been being told about and the threats that I’ve had to listen to from people I don’t even know. I just want to be around someone that is a good person, someone who isn’t just trying to sleep with me or rob me, who understands my body and how I need to be around others some times. I am tired. I’m tired of feeling alone, tired of feeling like I’m being thrown around between a bunch of people who are talking about me and about things I don’t want to hear or do or think about.
I still don’t know what to say to people who ask me about my life. I get it, I am a very weird person who is very difficult to be around at times (especially when we are first meeting or in a setting that is not a good environment due to the things I’ve just experienced and tried so many times to get out of) and I am so miserable at the moment because of the stress of having to constantly dig up the memories of my past that are so overwhelming. I get it. And I really just needed a hug, someone I knew that would help me, a place that I didn’t have to worry about losing my life/mind/being attacked/raped/robbed and that I was able to be comfortable with my own personal belongings. And with someone who has been around me these past few years.
And it seems as if that doesn’t exist. I am so god damn lost in my own area of the world that I grew up in, it’s beyond me.
I just want my life to be a little more than this.

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